The Most Important Relationship in Youth Sports
“A Coach’s Perspective”
In order to understand the dynamics of any healthy relationship, there has to be an element of experience or street credibility. Each participant in the relationship has to be able to relate to the other. Each participant has to also have the luxury of knowing the causes of successful relationships. Relationships that strive for excellence to attempt to achieve common goals and have similar interests are successful. It is also equally helpful to experience relationships that are problematic in order to develop strategies that work when trying to arrive at resolutions. Facilitating a healthy long lasting relationship is hard to do without educating each participant about one another. When we are educated about each other then we are able to create, sustain and deliver a positive coach to parent to player relationship for the common goals of those parties. We must start with finding out what we do not know by engaging in constant communication with each other on a consistent controlled basis. In youth sports (K-12, ages 5-17) some may say that the most important relationship is between the coach and the player. I submit to you that In order to be the best youth coach you can be, learning more about the player from the parent is very important if not the most important interaction of all. Positive dialog must be developed between the parents and the youth coach. An understanding of who the coach is and who the player is and who the parents are between all parties will allow for a smooth transaction of dialog in good times and not so good times. All three parties will not agree on all decisions made during their time together but at least there will be an understanding of the common goal. The common goal is for the youth to be the best that they can be, in the classroom, in the home and in the community. Winning is not everything.
What are some common issues at the youth and high school levels, K-12?
Coaches:
- First time coaches not qualified to teach the sport they are involved in
o In anything we do we must get some kind of education in order to perform. When we first begin a new job, there is a training program that is mandatory for new employees. Then after mastering your profession in order to stay on top of the latest innovations there is continuing education. Why is coaching any different? As a first time coach it is very important that you take the time to educate yourself on the techniques of coaching in general and in the specific activity that you are trying to coach. All to often we see a coach who used to play a sport years ago and now wants to coach that sport. Although personal playing experience brings credibility it does not mean that the style of coaching or understanding of how to coach will be effective. So it makes sense to get some education surrounding the sport that you will be coaching.
- Inability to communicate philosophy effectively
o Being able to communicate your philosophy is the key to garnering an understanding from the parents and student-athletes about what you are attempting to achieve. The best way to deliver your message is to write it down and demonstrate the philosophy by utilizing multiple coaching opportunities as often as you can, “In the moment coaching”, around your philosophy.
- Inflexible attitude and unwillingness to embrace change
o A good coach has an open mind and is willing to discuss changes in philosophy, coaching style, and preparation. Methods that worked years ago may prove to be futile when dealing with certain student-athletes, parents or even coaching staff
- Disorganization
o The best coaches are organized. Their players know what to expect in practice, games, film sessions, and off the field. They have a game plan, practice plan, outside events schedule written down. It is a flexible plan that can change as needed but parents and student-athletes know what to expect for the most part.
- Coaching for the wrong reasons
o It is not all about winning. Coaches who believe this on the youth level must change. This kind of thinking leads to a destructive relationship between all parties involved. It is not about the coach and his or her record. As a coach it should be about the development of your players. If the focus is job advancement only, at the high school level then the communication must be first and foremost. When we make it about ourselves then we lose sight of why we are here.
Parents/Guardians:
- Unrealistic expectations and outside training
- We have to address the problem we experience with identifying realistic expectations of parents, student athletes and coaches. Sometimes we believe our kids will automatically get an athletic scholarship by just playing the sport that they love. Back in the days before AAU and You Tube earning a scholarship was something that was never really the reason for playing the game. You basically played all three sports Football Basketball and Baseball. I am speaking strictly from my experience as a young student athlete. My brothers and I just played whatever the season was. Even in High School we played three sports. We never even talked about getting a D-1 scholarship. It just happened because we played hard and were lucky enough to be blessed with some talent and were discovered because of our performance. But if you look at the statistics there is only a .7% chance of a men’s basketball scholarship and a 1.4% chance of a football scholarship. Times have changed and it is rare that just playing high school ball will get you the exposure and training you need to earn a scholarship. Coaches have a job to do in theis area. We need to recognize talented kids and help those parents access outside training for their kids. We also need to be honest in evaluating talent level for the parents. It could save thousands of dollars that a family might be putting to better use in other areas for their student athlete. The parents and coaches should talk about the best camps for the kids if they truly believe that there is potential for earning a scholarship before they waste thousands of dollars.
- Lack of understanding pertaining to the sport the child is participating in
o Coaches that have useful knowledge of the sport they are coaching must relay that knowledge to the parent. Spending time educating parents about the intangibles of the sport that you teach is a great skill to have. Ounce a parent knows that most running backs cannot gain many yards without the blocking of an offensive line then that parent will move away from the thoughts surrounding play calling.
- Inadequate participation and home coaching
o As mentioned above, and educated parent can be an asset. An uneducated parent can be a liability. It ids the coaches job to stay in contact and educate those parents who need to get on board with the philosophy around the team. Parents should realize that when they go home and talk about the coaching staff as if they are incompetent, it makes coaching their child difficult.
- Unable to communicate concerns
o The dialogue for communicating concerns must be open. I have heard of coaches saying we can talk about anything but playing time, play calling, and philosophy. Well what else is there to talk about? Coaches have this responsibility as well. You must be approachable. Parents believe that if they come to a coach and voice concerns they will be hurting the chances of their child to get more playing time. That should never be the case. As long as the student athlete is 17 years old or under the parent has every right to question a coach. The coach should not be in charge if that coach is running a dictatorship type of program. Leading, cultivating a great environment, building character should be the coaches focus. If a parent has a concern it should be heard. This helps prevent the athlete from believing that the coach has more control over his or her life than the childs own parents. This leads to abuse, in my opinion, mental or physical. It also promotes insecurity amongst our youth and abandonment, hopelessness and dispair. If a coach does not allow this dialogue we as parents should recognize it, and report it.
- Finding a program that fits your family
o There are too many programs that provide services and none of them are perfect. The organization with the most communication is a start. Most too many parents get kids involved in programs just because of the name recognition. So at all costs they put their kid in the program, spend their money and get nothing out of it. Be direct with the coaches, tell them what you want and open up to them about your student athlete. This is on the parent. Again the least amount of communication you get from these programs is a sign of an unorganized program or one where they are handpicking participants.
Student-Athletes/Parents:
- Embracing the importance of practice and outside training
o AAU! Personal trainer! I remember the days when you just went out and played from sun up to sun down. That was your AAU tournament. Student Athletes are so ready to jump onto an AAU team and that is all they have to do to get noticed. Let’s be frank about these so called super teams that will automatically get them noticed. The truth about AAU is that there is no defense being played and it sets you up for failure if you don’t take it for what it is worth. It is a glorified pick up game. That is all it is. AAU tournaments are painful to watch. I mean painful. The talented teams have all the good players and they run through all of the other teams. They get sponsored by big businesses and play bad basketball that is highlighted by and 1 moves, dunks and Harlem Globetrotter like dribbling and passing. It is a joke but it is necessary to keep playing and perfecting your craft. Because of that fact, Amateur Athletics are an essential part of today’s extra practice and outside training. Football, Basketball, Volleyball, Track, Baseball, even cheerleading, all have travel teams. These organizations are useful if you know what you want to get out of them. The number 1 rule is to make sure that your AAU team of choice frequently participates in the right tournaments. AAU is all about being seen, if you are in tournaments where there are no college scouts then you are wasting your time and money. The second rule is to tell the AAU coach what you want to work on and the parents need to let the coach know what they expect out of the program. Thirdly you should demand full disclosure as to where the money is being spent. If you spend money to play then you should play and you should know which tournaments you are going to and what benefit that tournament will bring to you and your exposure if you decide to attend. Do not expect an AAU coach to teach you your sport. They expect you to get better before you arrive and then they want your money on top of that. Football combines will not get you better, or even give you the exposure you desire. These combines basically teach you how to do drills. So as long as you know what to expect combines are great for resume stuffing material and very useful when it comes to documenting your vertical leap or your 40 time.
- How to express concerns to a coach
o This is a bad dilemma for a student athlete. If you don’t like how your coach is treating you, how do you express your feelings? How do you express your disappointment as a parent to a coach. Here is the golden rule. Let the coach know up front thatyou will be requiring a weekly meeting. This will force the coach to be in communication with you and your parents. All too often we get dissatisfied with what the coach is doing and are afraid to say something because we believe it may diminish the opportunity for playing time. If that is what is happening then that program is not for you. Communication with the coach is mandatory.
- Recognition of inappropriate behavior
o When you see it say it!!! Do not wait. If any inappropriate behavior is witnessed, then tell it. If there are ridiculous requests being made of you or your child then question it. Speak up and speak out against stuff that is just crazy. Here is an example: “Your son is going to do a Saturday detention with me at 8:00 PM because I heard he was rude to a teacher in school”. This is just dumb, what parent would say “Ok coach he will be there”. This is inappropriate. Another example would be “We have an open gym at 06:00 am just me and your child”. Please, inappropriate! Coaches keep your hands to yourself! There should be much more on this subject but nothing is worth taking a young man or woman’s innocence. If you see it tell it!!!
These issues are somewhat universal and can be related to almost any extracurricular activity that requires coaches, parents/guardians and student-athletes involvement. Coaches to provide instruction, parents who seek to get their kids involved in these activities and of course the student-athlete must stay in communication. Parents must be involved in the conversation with the coach. Know who they are and what they will be teaching your child and stay involved. Go to games, practices, meetings, and never take your eye off the ultimate goal, getting that all mighty education.
If you think you are going to get an athletic scholarship here are some staggering statistics below:
Baseball
UIL participants
41,726
National participants
478,029
Number of college scholarships
2,956.1
Pct. earning scholarships
.6%
Boys basketball
UIL participants
75,248
National participants
552,935
Number of college scholarships
4,046.7
Pct. earning scholarships
.7%
Girls basketball
UIL participants
71,218
National participants
449,450
Number of college scholarships
4,329
Pct. earning scholarships
.9%
Boys cross country/track and field
UIL participants
29,112
National participants
548,821
Number of college scholarships
2,481.7
Pct. earning scholarships
.5%
Girls cross country/track and field
UIL participants
29,096
National participants
447,520
Number of college scholarships
4,030
Pct. earning scholarships
.9%
Football
UIL participants
160,893
National participants
1,108,286
Number of college scholarships
15,997.2
Pct. earning scholarships
1.4%
Boys Golf
UIL participants
12,386
National participants
159,958
Number of college scholarships
999.1
Pct. earning scholarships
.6%
Girls Golf
UIL participants
7,643
National participants
69,243
Number of college scholarships
1,076.4
Pct. earning scholarships
1.6%
Boys Soccer
UIL participants
27,439
National participants
383,561
Number of college scholarships
1,683
Pct. earning scholarships
.4%
Girls Soccer
UIL participants
22,106
National participants
346,545
Number of college scholarships
3,591.9
Pct. earning scholarships
1%
Softball
UIL participants
31,077
National participants
371,293
Number of college scholarships
2,774.4
Pct. earning scholarships
.7%
Boys swimming and diving
UIL participants
6,805
National participants
111,896
College scholarships
891
Pct. earning scholarships
.8
Girls swimming and diving
UIL participants
6,679
National participants
147,197
Number of college scholarships
1,766.4
Pct. earning scholarships
1.2%
Boys tennis
UIL participants
19,217
National participants
156,285
Number of college scholarships
925.6
Pct. earning scholarships
.6%
Girls tennis
UIL participants
18,873
National participants
172,455
Number of college scholarships
1,848
Pct. earning scholarships
1.1%
Volleyball
UIL participants
38,367
National participants
397,968
Number of college scholarships
3,318
Pct. earning scholarships
.8%
Boys wrestling
UIL participants
7,783
National participants
259,688
Number of college scholarships
696
Pct. earning scholarships
.3%
Friday, March 23, 2012
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